Killing time

In my mind there's a lighthouse
That shall forever turn a blind eye
On the uncertain waters of my life to be

In my mind, an overgrown path
Hides away its quiet undergrowth
For fear of being trodden in errance

In my mind, a freezing/piercing breeze
Immobilising in its ice-coldness
Will no longer whisper the secrets of the words

One day in confident sunshine
Death came reaping
Moving forward the cycle of souls
Ripping apart my sense of purpose
Freeing me from my chains, for
Death came reaping
What gave me life - I thought

And I shall never look up to anyone again.

Dedicated to my literature professor, Andre Viola, who died a year ago.

On ne parle à Jehovah, à Jupiter ou à Bouddha, qu'en chantant

I had other ideas for my book. I should add a love that spawns the ages. My hero could be in love with a girl who is sure to have been his mother in a past life. This would add a deeper dimension in the father's quest for identity. In fact, he is the ground stone of the story, even if the plot revolves around the son (I still haven't given him a name). He is only a copulator, used by God to send other people to Earth. Or maybe his son's soul tricked him into making this child, creating this new body. To give life to a new child would then be only an illusion. Especially for the father. His participation to the pseudo-coining of a child is not real for him. He is fooled, unknowingly. He is only the fabrication agent, not the creator...idea: he could even see women as Goddesses. They hold all the answers because she is a creator...but this is only an illusion. Now to toil...

It is in woe that we need God

[...] I jot this down before I forget. I found a pretty girl name that you will certainly find ridiculous because it is too much: it is Douce-Amere (Bitter-Sweet). Bizarre, huh?

[...] I talked to Anne-Lise on the way home. We talked about Satanism. She considers it a way to make yourself noticed in a ridiculous and childlike manner. I agree. Many, like Flo, are trendy Satanists. They were looking for something and found this without looking deeper.

On the other hand I understand that we can adopt some signs as a way of communicating extreme suffering. I am well placed to understand ... the problem was that I did not really understand that what I was taking for the expression of my suffering could be tinged with Satanism and not judged for itself.

I am in the process of performing an self-therapy through life. It is useful to meet new people who are more tolerant and simultaneously dare say what they think (it is sharing, in the case of my friends, and not a conflict of opinions).

I also saw Christophe again (the poet), but I was upset by its slowness. But at least he doesn’t stutter anymore…
I am thinking again of Julien who makes me think of Clement because of his silence. I cannot guess what (t)he(y) think(s), which is embarrassing for me who communicates a lot through non-verbal canals.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee

These lines of Shakespeare are so good, I would like to have them tattooed on my wrist when I'll be older. They are my life. I have now found my way to posterity and success. Writing movies really seems good to me. I'll keep busy at it. I have for the moment three ideas of movies: two in English en one in French. Mon Je t'ai donné la vie sera un film et je rêve de Fabrice Luchini dans le rôle du père.
Je mélange allègrement anglais et français, comme tu le vois. Ce sera ainsi désormais.